Being occasionally clumsy

There is a reason that my current Instagram bio says I’m “occasionally clumsy” – I feel the need to be up front about the kind of person you’re interacting with.

Here is a selection of embarrassingly clumsy occasions from this week:

• Farted in a yoga class

• Answered a question that wasn’t directed at me and got the answer wrong

• My phone keeps changing ‘and’ to ‘abs’ and I forget to correct it.

Despite the plethora of embarrassing moments that I endure (and often create), I have learned to appreciate them more… perhaps because being a bit silly and a bit embarrassing is part of who I am.

Reflecting on who I am tends to happen every April when I usually receive a letter from myself, written a year prior, as a birthday gift to me. And every single year I am amazed by myself – how eloquently I write, the strength I have, and the sheer level of enthusiasm I have.

An excerpt I particularly enjoyed from the version that arrived in my inbox in 2018:

“Right now, you see a lot of the things that went wrong or that some would consider ‘failures’ to be the things that caused you to grow – and stretch far further than you ever thought you would.

I want to remind you that we’re not good at acknowledging our accomplishments. So, for today, I am going to list a short summary of a few of the things YOU have accomplished to date. This also serves as a reminder that you will reflect and write a few of the things you have accomplished in the year that has passed since then.”

Funny how I’m reflecting and writing these things on this website, as predicted.

The 2017 Olivia in question, author of the original 2018 letter.

I cry when reading these letters. I cry while writing them too. I cry because I feel seen by the person who understands me the most – me! Because yes, I am an occasionally embarrassing human who can be clumsy. I get incredibly excited about things and people, so act quickly. Picture, if you will, a new-born deer that has suddenly joined the world but thinks they can run before they can walk because they’re so excited to be there.

But I am so much more than the collection of embarrassing moments, mistakes, and missteps. When I shift my focus to all the things that I do well, I see my fair share of embarrassment happens because I am trying so much and in many ways. And that those missteps are a way to recalibrate, recalculate, and learn how to try again. Plus, they’re such a good way of providing a chuckle and a reminder that I am human.

Really, this whole website is a letter of sorts. There are twists and turns, and perhaps some of it doesn’t make complete sense to you. But perhaps with all great letters, it’s as much me writing to you as it is to me. A space we can have to share our authentic selves without hesitation, and only with kindness.

So, I want to thank you for being here, Reader. Thank you for your contributions to my stories, to my letters, and to the pieces that make up me. And here is to all the little embarrassing moments as we forge the way ahead and keep trying.

Kia kaha,

Olivia

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P.S., Stay tuned for a new series I’m developing called “Open Letters”, where I will be expressing my appreciation for people or groups of people in a wholesome way.

P.P.S., I encourage you to write yourself a letter to future you. You’ll be surprised at what strength you can take from yourself.