To all the boys

To all the boys I’ve loved before,

I’ll be honest, I never really loved you.

No, no

That’s harsh.

I think

It’s not that I didn’t love you

It’s that you didn’t love me

And since love is a two-way street

And a battlefield

I’m bleeding love

Several years on

Ruminating

And conjugating all the things you said to me.

I was your sweet nothing

But a whisper in your ear

But that’s okay

Because I never really loved you.

But if we back date those cute dates

I see a woman who just wanted to be loved.

She has stretch-marks raked across her belly

Several apologies for taking up space

Being of mixed race

And often feeling out of place

And yet

I think

She really did love you

But she didn’t love herself first.

To all the boys I currently love,

I’ll be honest: you’ve got to try harder.

I am the instigator and initiator of all things in my life.

Please take the reins

At least for a moment

And in return I promise you a bouquet of sweet nothings

And a bunch of flowers every Sunday

I know that I’m scary

I’m honest

And easy

And breezy

And beautiful

But I’m only human

And I promise

That I’ll love you

Because now I know the secret:

That you’ll get nothing sweet

If I don’t get there first.