A work in progress
After writing Olivia’s 2021 Life Wrapped I have been in deep contemplation. It was a bit unsettling to put facts to feelings but I’m glad I did.
The exercise made me reflect on 2021 with clarity I hadn’t quite had before. How many of those activities was I doing because I wanted to? How many of those things was I doing for other people but not for myself?
But my biggest realisation was that I hadn’t paid enough attention to my needs last year. And to my astonishment, I realised I hadn’t truly looked after myself since the year I dropped out of Honours in Economics back in 2018 (a story for another time).
No wonder I was feeling the need to retreat into myself by the end of 2021 – I had been too preoccupied taking care of others that I hadn’t been nourishing myself for years!
It wasn’t that their needs were greater than mine, it’s that I shunned my own to the side.
The two weeks break from work gave me the chance to mull over these realisations and consider what my needs are and how I can best meet them going forward into the new year.
Here are five ways I met my needs during the break and how I will continue to do so during the year:
1. Becoming a regular at a café
I started taking myself out on dates to cafes once or twice a week. Being in an environment different from my home really shifts my energy – I concentrate better because I have fewer things to distract me, and I always feel inspired when I get home. I do, however, seem to order a different thing and never go at a consistent time or day of the week, so being recognised as a regular by the servers is going to be a true challenge.
2. Spending time doing absolutely nothing
I did the ~ unconventional ~ thing of taking Christmas as a mental health day. I minimised the number of people I talked with, ignored my phone, and did whatever I felt like. It turned out it was the best thing I could have done for my mental health. Suddenly, one day turned into three, and I naturally found myself noticing ways I could continue to care for myself. I simply gave myself time to just be and will continue to do this as the year continues.
3. Practicing mindfulness
I lived my best flaneuring life while going on many walks during the break. At the start of one walk, I was feeling incredibly frustrated and decided to take out my earphones and tune into the sounds around in attempt to ground myself. Then I sat down at a bench and read. After a bit, I walked further along the path and sat down at a different bench. I continued doing this for about two hours then headed home. How different the beginning of my walk felt compared with the end! I felt so much calmer.
I recalled the mindfulness classes I attended during uni and how helpful it was to simply notice without judgement. Instead of tuning out the sounds of things I can’t control at the packed Oriental Parade on a sunny day, I could just accept what was there and not judge whether the noise was good or bad.
Notice that practicing mindfulness goes hand-in-hand with Number #2: Spend time doing absolutely nothing! I’m excited for all the things I head when I practice listening (mostly to myself).
4. Buying myself the small things
This is actually a shout out to the bottle brush I got and won’t stop raving about. The reason I’m enjoying it so much is because it was the first thing that made me realise, I was ignoring buying a bunch of small things for myself. Now I’m talking those small purchases I put off for months, alongside new batteries for my lint remover and electrical tape to hold some wires together.
My goodness! I didn’t realise just how many small things I was ignoring. Going forward, I want to be more proactive at treating myself with the functional purchases. Because I’m telling you, the bottle brush really increased my happiness by tenfold more than it cost me.
5. The importance of boundaries
Big theme of the 2021 was me learning where my boundaries are and how to practice them. Potentially even most importantly – how to establish boundaries with myself. Things like leaving work at a reasonable time and not working more because I haven’t felt productive enough that day, or gently telling myself to drink some water first instead of simply continuing my snack rampage.
Boundaries and needs are connected, so I ask myself questions like:
What do I need right now?
Is this the right thing for me in this moment?
How will I feel after the activity is done?
When all is said and done, I’m a still a work in progress. Forever growing, learning, changing. But sometimes the best things are just like that. The ones that seem incomplete are wonderfully whole just the way they are.